Fashion & Lifestyle

Welcome to HJO, the Home Jack-Off Network

Welcome to HJO, the Home Jack-Off Network

Some designs come from a sketchbook. Others? From a grainy VHS tape that left an impression in more ways than one.

One of my all-time favorite gay porn scenes is from a 1999 film called Executive Action, released by Altomar Productions. It stars Marc Mann and Brad Kline as two traveling salesmen who end up double-booked into the same hotel room. The setup is classic: awkward small talk turns into shared drinks, and the next thing you know, one of them is soaking in the tub while the other flips on the TV. That’s when it happens.

The screen flashes the letters HJO, and a sultry voice says, “Hey, stud. Feeling horny tonight?” Welcome to the Home Jack-Off Network. As the voiceover continues—promising a new show called Beater’s Digest, with the thrill of a 976 call but with visuals—the screen cuts to a series of teasing scenes: men in various stages of undress, eyes closed, lost in the moment. And right there in the room, Brad Kline’s character starts to get swept up in it. Slowly, without a word, he begins to join in. It’s not over-the-top—it’s slow, intimate, and incredibly hot.

What stuck with me most about Executive Action, and this scene in particular, was the casting. These weren’t twinks. They weren’t daddies with twinks. These were mature men—real daddies. Silver foxes. Mustached, muscled, confident. Marc Mann has the kind of body that makes you pause the tape. Brad Kline’s mustache alone could star in its own movie. And yes, both of them are... extremely well endowed. But more than that, the chemistry between them felt raw, grounded, and rare. I've never seen anything quite like it before or since.

That made-up network—HJO—lodged itself deep in my memory. Not just for the erotic thrill, but because it was so hilariously perfect. It felt like a real gay cable channel, the kind you'd only discover at 2 a.m. in a motel somewhere off I-80. I’ve been obsessed with the idea ever since.

So when I set out to spoof the classic HBO logo, I knew exactly what I was doing. The HJO Logo Tee is a tribute to that scene, that era, and that whole vibe. The design mimics the bold layout of the HBO original, but with retro gay-coded color bars (pink, yellow, teal) and the Hunky Tops bear icon nestled in the O like a cheeky easter egg.

This shirt is for the dreamers, the jackers, the nostalgia junkies. It’s for anyone who remembers staying up late, flipping channels, and catching a glimpse of something that felt both forbidden and fabulous. It’s for the ones who lived through 976 numbers, dial-up fantasies, and men with mustaches who knew how to take their time.

But it’s also about something bigger: letting go of shame around self-love. Jerking off isn’t dirty. It’s natural. It’s normal. And in a world that still tries to police our pleasure, it’s something to be celebrated. That’s the heart of HJO. That’s the spirit behind this tee.

Yeah, it’s horny. And yeah, it’s hilarious. But most of all—it’s ours.

👉 Grab your HJO Logo Tee here

We don’t talk enough about joy—the joy of remembering what turned us on, what made us laugh, what helped us feel seen. This shirt isn’t just about porn nostalgia (though, yes, it absolutely delivers on that). It’s about looking back on our own sexual journeys with a little more kindness, a little less shame, and maybe even a smirk.

So if HJO really were a network, I like to think it’d be serving up late-night classics, mature men with real chemistry, and a weekly lineup of self-love, freedom, and unapologetic pleasure. Hell, maybe we'll make a Beater’s Digest tee next.

Thanks for tuning in.

Disclaimer: This design is a parody and is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or associated in any way with HBO or any of its subsidiaries.

Christian from Hunky Tops

Founder

Christian is the man behind the curtain at Hunky Tops. If you've ever received an email from Hunky Tops, or interacted with the brand on Social Media, chances are you talked with Christian. He also writes blog posts.

Reading next

Gaylien: A T-Shirt Design for Queer Immigrants
Hunks and Horror: Why Gay Men Love the Monsters
Why Queer Men Love Horror: A Personal Reflection from the Dark Side
The Allure of Krampus: Why the Gay Community is Obsessed with This Horned Holiday Figure

Leave a comment

This site is protected by hCaptcha and the hCaptcha Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.